


getting more and more lost in you

by apaixono



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crushes, Feelings, M/M, chinguline is the best, lots of clichés too, lots of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 09:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12679506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apaixono/pseuds/apaixono
Summary: Kyungsoo has a crush.





	getting more and more lost in you

Kyungsoo has a crush.  
  
Yeah, yeah. He knows crushes are meaningless, and that there is little to no chance of things progressing between the two of them, and that having a crush is almost the same as idolizing a pop star, except that a crush is slightly more attainable (but not that significantly different, honestly). He knows that he's juggling four lab classes and two lectures (fuck pre-med, man) this semester, and that he's active in the pre-med organization because his best friend Chanyeol made him join when they were freshmen and now he has a high position in the executive board, and that he can barely get enough sleep and eat properly and have an excuse of a social life enough as it is, and that he's socially awkward and his astigmatism makes him glare at people sometimes and he can be too frank and callous. He knows that he's not exactly boyfriend material, and that he doesn't have a fat chance with his crush, and that he really has better things to do than preoccupy himself with something as childish and cumbersome as a crush.  
  
But he couldn't help it, okay? He couldn't even if he tried. He couldn't stop thinking about pale, snow-white skin with peach cheeks that blushes prettily with the cold or the heat or a compliment, brown eyes that crinkle in laughter and turn into crescents in happiness, pink lips that stretch over perfect white teeth with every grin, broad shoulders and a toned body that makes every outfit seem like something off a designer brand, impeccably soft black hair that falls just right above his forehead and eyes, even the scar near the bridge of his nose and the mole on top of his lip. He couldn't stop thinking about a melodic voice and a gentle laugh and an even gentler disposition that always seems to look out for everyone. He couldn't stop thinking about lame jokes and borderline annoying puns that makes his eyes roll but his mouth unknowingly smile fondly, about dorky dance moves and a penchant for girl group songs, about funny faces made in the mirror and numerous selcas that are either Instagram model-worthy or just downright silly. And really, if he could push these thoughts out of his mind, believe him, he would. He wishes he could, but he couldn't, so here he is, distractedly drawing cells onto a lab sheet with his aforementioned best friend, who is fast asleep on top of his chemistry textbook.  
  
"Working hard, huh?"  
  
Kyungsoo jumps as a familiar voice murmurs softly beside him. He looks up to see Junmyeon smiling down at him—third year education major, one of his close friends, and the said reason why he's so distracted while drawing blood cells.  
  
"Oh, hey Junmyeon hyung," He says, finding himself smiling back. He does that often around Junmyeon, he notices. It's annoying. He's a future doctor who plans to be Seoul's next top surgeon, not a lovesick puppy. "What brings you here?"  
  
"Just came by to pick up some books for class. I was on my way to the psychology section, but I overheard Chanyeol snoring." As if on cue, Chanyeol snorts in his sleep and burrows deeper into his arms. Both of them chuckle at the sight. "Anyway, what about you? It's a lovely day, you shouldn't be stuck inside."  
  
"Ah, I have lab sheets to do." Kyungsoo holds up his papers, the topmost one not even halfway filled with drawings. "Maybe later, when I finish these and Chanyeol wakes up.”  
  
“You should take a break sometimes. You work too hard, Kyungsoo-ah.” Junmyeon frowns, and Kyungsoo absolutely does not melt at the elder’s evident concern. “Don’t forget to rest, okay? You’re always so busy.”  
  
“I’m used to it,” He says, shrugging lightly. “Being busy has been my life, I guess.”  
  
“Well, you still need to rest. Enjoy your youth and all that.” Junmyeon smiles at him. “Anyway, I’ve got to go look for those books. I’ll see you later?”  
  
“Sure. Bye, hyung.” Kyungsoo waves at him, and Junmyeon ruffles his hair gently before moving towards the psychology section. His gaze follows the latter as he walks away gracefully, sighing when Junmyeon disappears into the many bookshelves far beyond his table. Oh, he looks so good today, his pressed blue button up tucked into jeans that makes him look so dapper, and his hair is down and fluffy and Kyungsoo’s fingers positively itch to touch, and his smile, so bright and endeared and—  
  
“Lovesick puppy alert,” A deep voice booms, and Kyungsoo jumps for the second time that afternoon to see his best friend finally awake and grinning at him knowingly. It’s infuriating.  
  
“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo gasps, clutching his chest to calm his erratically beating heart (because of shock, not from Junmyeon, shut up). “Don’t do that.”  
  
“Oh, so when Junmyeon hyung does it, he gets a smile and a sweet hello, but when I do it, I get your usual snark?” Chanyeol pouts. “Love does change people.”  
  
“Shut up, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo says tiredly, rubbing his temples. He feels a headache coming on. “Wait, how did you hear—?”  
  
“I’ve been awake since hyung spoke. You slammed the table in your surprise,” The taller explains, wiping the corners of his mouth dry with the back of his hand. “And for the record, I do _not_ snore. You can tell your little crush that.”  
  
“He’s not my crush,” He shoots back. “I don’t like Junmyeon hyung.”  
  
“Oh, sure. That explains the silly smile you had just now, and your still blushing cheeks.” Chanyeol raises a brow at him, and Kyungsoo’s hands fly to cover his face. They are warm, and most probably red. Damn it. “Oh, Kyungsoo. You’re cute when you’re in love.”  
  
“Shut up, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo repeats defeatedly. “I’m not in love.”  
  
“Yet.” Chanyeol winks at him, and he resists the urge to throw his pencil at the latter. “Hey, if anything, I think you two are cute. That hair ruffle though? And that concern? So adorable. I ship it.”  
  
“If you don’t keep your mouth shut I will stick this pencil up your dick,” He threatens. It’s an empty threat, they both know this, but Chanyeol mimes zipping up his lips and tossing away the key anyway before going back to his textbook, smirking knowingly at him every so often. Kyungsoo sighs and faces his lab sheets once more, trying his hardest not to mess up the cell structures and especially not to think of smiley boys in blue polos with gentle touches and even gentler smiles.  
  
(He fails, and he ends up bribing Chanyeol to finish his lab sheets in exchange for dinner.)  
  
  


 

 

 

 

  
Having a crush means having these low moments of missing them so badly even though: A) you have seen them a few hours ago, or B) it’s been a long time since you two had a “moment,” like how his other friend Baekhyun puts it. Kyungsoo is having one of those moments now, which explains why he’s sprawled on the couch, listlessly scrolling through Instagram. Specifically, Junmyeon’s Instagram profile. It’s filled with scenic shots from his many travels, and enough selcas to fill the void in Kyungsoo’s icy heart that longs for the other man. He misses the real thing, but these will do.  
  
Ew. When did he get so poetic?  
  
Anyway, Kyungsoo listlessly thumbs through Junmyeon’s photos from his Europe trip two years ago as he listens to the faint sounds of Chanyeol tinkering in the kitchenette. He really should help out with dinner, but the elder’s Switzerland photos are too good to pass up. Like this one, where he’s enjoying a Mcdonalds feast near the mountains, and this one, where he’s taking a photo of a fire hydrant, of all things. His photos of the Alps are breathtaking, but Kyungsoo likes his photos of the Zurich streets best.  
  
He soon reaches a heavily edited photo where the sun sets down behind a small café, obscuring both the name and Junmyeon’s features. Frowning, Kyungsoo tries to squint at his screen, but he couldn’t make out the details. Curse Junmyeon and his affinity for hipster editing. He places two fingers on his screen to zoom into the photo, and—  
  
“HO HO HOLIDAY HO HO HOLIDAY, YEAH!” Chanyeol starts singing at the top of his lungs as he (presumably) starts cooking, and Kyungsoo jumps a foot in the air in surprise. He’s easily scared these days, he should really tone down the coffee. He fumbles with his phone and it clatters to the ground screen down with a thud. Cursing Chanyeol and his bad habit of singing loudly while listening on his headphones, Kyungsoo picks up his phone and dusts off the screen. Thank God his brother gifted him a fluffy rug when he moved into his apartment, and that he had properly placed the tempered glass screen protector on his phone (one of his secret talents). Sighing in relief, he unlocks his phone and looks again at Junmyeon’s post. He almost exits to go back to the elder’s main feed, but he notices something off.  
  
The red heart is now filled.  
  
Odd. He couldn’t have liked this photo, because he made his Instagram account four months after Junmyeon posted this photo. He didn’t participate on the throwback liking spree that Baekhyun initiated before. He had never liked this photo before. Which means only one thing—  
  
“HOLY SHIT!” Kyungsoo all but screeches, dropping his phone again onto the rug. Chanyeol quickly stomps towards the living area, still holding a ladle in one hand and an onion in the other.  
  
“What? Why? What’s wrong?” The taller asks, looking just as frazzled as he is. “You okay? What happened?”  
  
“Fuck, Chanyeol, I accidentally liked Junmyeon’s photo from two years ago,” Kyungsoo moans in despair. “I hate myself. Why. _Why_.”  
  
Chanyeol visibly deflates, and his features morphed from concerned to downright unimpressed. “I thought there was a real emergency. Jesus Christ, Kyungsoo.”  
  
“This is a real emergency, Chanyeol! He’ll think I’m stalking him!” Kyungsoo wails, and it’s really uncharacteristic of him, but he’s desperate, okay? He quickly unlikes the photo, but he knows that it’s futile. By now, Junmyeon already got the notification that a certain dks112 already liked a photo from two years ago.  
  
“Uh, but that’s the truth?” Chanyeol points out. Touché, but Kyungsoo chooses to bury his face in a throw pillow and mourn his stupidity instead. The latter could only shake his head in exasperation as he moves back to the kitchenette to finish up dinner.  
  
  


 

 

 

  
Kyungsoo is eating a salad for lunch because he has no time to buy something better than a pitiful excuse for roasted chicken and mango salad from the cafeteria when Baekhyun plops in front of him and starts talking a mile a minute. Being friends with the theater major for a long time now has taught him to tune out most of his friend’s blabbing, running through the endocrine system in his mind until—  
  
“Hey, it’s Junmyeon! Who’s he with?”  
  
Kyungsoo looks up to see the elder enter the cafeteria, animatedly talking to a petite young woman that might be one of the most beautiful persons he has ever seen. They seem close, judging from Junmyeon’s wide grin and shining eyes, and the woman almost pressed up against his side as she talks brightly. Junmyeon is carrying her stuff for her, judging by the hot pink binder and textbooks in his arms. They settle on a table not far away from Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, and Junmyeon stands up to (presumably) order for them both.  
  
“Dunno,” Kyungsoo replies belatedly, spearing a piece of lettuce a little too vehemently. Poor leafy greens. “Must be a friend.”  
  
“She’s hot, though.” Baekhyun whistles lowly. “Junmyeon is one lucky guy.”  
  
“Who’s hot?” Chanyeol asks, dropping his doshirak and banana milk unceremoniously beside Kyungsoo. “That is a sad, sad, salad, Soo.”  
  
“That chick over there, in the white button up and jeans.” The theater major gestures with his chopsticks. “She’s on a lunch date with Junmyeon.”  
  
“They’re not on a date,” Kyungsoo interjects, earning him a snort from both his friends. They all watch Junmyeon go back to the table with a full tray, laying the food in front of the girl before sitting across her, smiling widely.  
  
“Yeah, right.” Chanyeol shakes his head. “They’re totally not sharing a lunch, nor is the girl openly flirting with him.”  
  
“No she isn’t,” He says, even as they watch the girl laugh at something Junmyeon says—a lame joke perhaps, something probably not even remotely funny, because Junmyeon isn’t _that_ funny—as she shyly tucks her blonde hair behind her ear. Junmyeon simply smiles wider and covers his face with a hand, cheeks turning pink. Damn it.  
  
“Our Kyungsoo’s jealous!” Baekhyun snickers. “I mean, how dare they! Right in front of your salad?”  
  
“Shut up, Baekhyun.” Kyungsoo kicks him on the shin—the latter is too used to his violent tendencies and simply swerves his legs to avoid the hit—and looks away as he sees the girl place a hand on Junmyeon’s outstretched arm. “I’m not jealous.”  
  
“Sure,” Chanyeol hums, shaking his lunchbox with fervor. “Keep telling yourself that, Soo, and maybe you’ll stop glaring at them like they’re eating a child and not sharing a plate of spaghetti.”  
  
“Whatever.” Kyungsoo stabs his salad again, ignoring his friend’s chuckles and the couple happily flirting a few feet away. They can go Lady and the Tramp for all he cares. He does not care, nope. No sir.  
  
(Later, Junmyeon comes over and introduces the girl to them. “Guys, this is Wendy, my cousin from the US.” He beams, and Kyungsoo feels a little silly as he shakes her hand. And also relieved, but they all don’t have to know that.)  


 

 

 

 

 

 

  
Junmyeon sometimes does things that keeps his hopes up. Like this:  
  
One of the big frats is sponsoring a huge Halloween party, and Chanyeol has bribed Kyungsoo with a week’s worth of chores and lab sheets to go with him, so here he is, frowning in front of his closet as he tries to fix up a decent costume and talk to Junmyeon on Kakao at the same time. He doesn’t even want to go. He just wants to curl up in bed and marathon Studio Ghibli films and eat instant ramyeon. But hey, he’s a simple man with a fickle heart that can be easily swayed by freedom from chores (no vacuuming! And laundry! For a week!) and meticulously drawn lab sheets. Plus, Junmyeon’s attending. Of course he had to be there. Except that he needs to be there in a costume, which brings him back to the problem at hand. With a sigh, Kyungsoo types up a message on his phone.  
  
**dks112** : 5:17PM update, still no costume.  
**myeontokki** : soo the party starts at 7  
**dks112** : ugh can i not go  
**myeontokki** : yeah, but chores and lab sheets ‘^’  
**dks112** : i hate you. why did you remind me  
**myeontokki** : u’re welcome ^^  
  
Kyungsoo sighs again and digs through his drawers for something. He could just go as a ghost boy, cover his face and neck with white powder and wear all black from head to toe, but that’s, well, boring. Besides, he wants to look good, because Junmyeon will be there. Not that Halloween costumes are Junmyeon’s thing. Or are they? See, this is why Kyungsoo needs to be at his very best. Like no one ever was. Except, again, his closet was not cooperating. Great.  
  
**dks112** : i give up :(  
**myeontokki** : ㅋㅋㅋ just go as a crazy scientist  
**myeontokki** : lab gown, white polo, black slacks, and then mess up ur hair  
**dks112** : meh i’ll think about it. chanyeol’s going all out, he bought an iron man mask and all. i’ll feel underdressed next to him  
**myeontokki** : ah, i used to want to dress up as a superhero for halloween~  
**dks112** : so you’ll go as a superhero tonight?  
**myeontokki** : nope~ i don’t want to be one anymore  
**dks112** : well, what do you want to be now then?  
**myeontokki** : now? i wanna be  
**myeontokki** : yours ^^  
**myeontokki** : ㅋㅋㅋ  
  
“Kyungsoo, I don’t know how to put the batteries in my mask, can you—“ Chanyeol looks at his friend, lying on the floor and clutching his phone to his chest. “Um. Do you need a moment?”  
  
“Leave me alone to die,” Kyungsoo says dramatically, and Chanyeol blinks before slowly backing away and closing the door.  
  
(He does end up dressing as a crazy scientist, minus the crazy hair. Junmyeon picks him up from his apartment an hour later, dressed in a suit and a toy gun on his hip. “I’m a spy,” He says proudly, and Kyungsoo tries not to faint at how good he looks.)  
  
  


 

 

 

 

  
And this:  
  
"Who's the genius who proposed an outdoor event? In the middle of fall?" Chanyeol grumbles as he wraps his scarf tighter around his neck. He shivers, even if he's wearing three layers already. "It's freezing."  
  
"The weather's great," Kyungsoo hums as they walk towards the university quad. Baekhyun's chorale group is hosting a charity Christmas concert in the quad, and as his self-proclaimed best friends, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are obligated to go. It's a little chilly, sure, but Kyungsoo doesn't mind. Besides, it's never too early for Christmas carols. Chanyeol hates it though—mainly because he was napping earlier—and quickly bundled up in an outfit fit for winter to protest. He looks a little silly standing next to Kyungsoo, who is just wearing a wool sweater.  
  
"Baekhyun better buy us hot drinks after." The taller continues to complain as they weave through the growing crowd to look for their friends. Jongdae is busy talking to a few of his friends from the chemistry department as, but they quickly spot Junmyeon sitting all by himself on one side. The elder lights up as he spots them and waves a gloved hand.  
  
"Hey, Kyungsoo! Hey, Chanyeol," Junmyeon says brightly, patting the space beside him. Chanyeol not-so-subtly shoves Kyungsoo to sit beside the elder, causing him to stumble as he takes a seat. "Pretty cold night, huh?"  
  
"Kyungsoo likes it. It's as cold as his heart and soul," Chanyeol quips, earning him a punch on the shoulder. "I mean, just his soul. His heart is toasty, perfect for someone. Wanna warm up there, hyung?"  
  
"Shut up, Chanyeol," Kyungsoo says swiftly, and Junmyeon laughs as Jongdae appears in front of them, half-empty iced coffee in one gloved hand and his phone in the other.  
  
"The concert's about to start!" He exclaims, plopping beside Chanyeol and pointedly ignoring the taller's judgmental stares at his drink. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at the two before turning his attention to the center stage, where the chorale president is making his welcome speech.  
  
(It's hard to focus on Christmas carols when Junmyeon's thigh is pressed against his, their arms brushing together every so often, and the elder's soft voice as he sometimes sings along distracts him from the singers in front, but Kyungsoo manages. Barely, but he makes it to the encore—a jolly performance of All I Want for Christmas is You, with the university dance troupe as guest backup dancers—still breathing, so that counts.)  
  
They all meet Baekhyun and Jongin (who was part of the backup dancers) not long after the crowd has dispersed, and they are so pleased at the bouquet of flowers that Chanyeol and Jongdae magically produced that Baekhyun calls for a trip to their favorite diner, his treat. It's quite a long walk from where they were, but the boys skip ahead happily anyway. Kyungsoo shakes his head fondly at them as he walks slowly behind his friends, preferring to join the raucousness. Junmyeon notices, however, and stops walking until Kyungsoo reaches him.  
  
"Tired?" The elder asks, falling into step with him. "It was a great concert though, wasn't it?"  
  
"Mhm, a little. It's been a long week. But yeah, I loved it." Kyungsoo hums. It's already nighttime when the concert formally ended, and he's feeling the exhaustion. The cold too, he realizes as the wind blows harshly against them. It's much colder than earlier, and he shivers.  
  
"Are you cold?" Junmyeon frowns at him. "Where’s your coat? Do you have one?”  
  
"No. It was bearable earlier, and I didn't know that the concert will end late, so I didn’t bring one. M'fine, though." He's not really fine, the chill seeping into his bones, but he doesn't really have a choice. His relatively thin wool sweater would have to do.  
  
"You know how cold Seoul gets at this time of the year. You should be mindful next time." Junmyeon admonishes, but before Kyungsoo could sass him back—he has a comeback on old age and fragile bones and all—he shrugs off his black bomber jacket and hands it to him. "Here, have this."  
  
"Ah, no, hyung, it's all right—" Kyungsoo tries to refuse, but the elder pushes the jacket into his hands.  
  
"I'll be fine. I have like, two layers left. Wear it,” The elder says, and Kyungsoo has no choice but to slip the jacket on. It’s soft and warm and a little bit big in the cutest way possible and it smells _so good_ , but he couldn’t take a huge whiff without looking like a weirdo. But he couldn’t help it, not with the scent of expensive cologne and peach shampoo and coffee and—  
  
Junmyeon stops walking and turns to him, catching Kyungsoo mid-sniff. _Shit_.  
  
“Why are you sniffing? Do you have a cold?” The latter frowns at him. He tugs off his glove and places a hand on Kyungsoo’s forehead. “Ah, you’re burning up already! See, this is why you need to bundle up! Come on, let’s hurry to the diner so you can defrost a bit. It’s not that far from here.”  
  
Kyungsoo doesn’t have the heart to tell him that his entire face (and neck and ears) is burning because of shame, so he nods wordlessly and lets himself be dragged to the warm diner.  
  
  


 

 

 

 

  
And this, which made Kyungsoo the butt of their friend group’s jokes for an entire week:  
  
Junmyeon is naturally tactile, always needing to touch. It just so happens that Kyungsoo is the one who’s often beside him (no thanks to his friends), so he’s the usual recipient of Junmyeon’s affections. A gentle touch on his arm to say hello, a bump on the knee when he wants to say something, a hand on his thigh to get his attention, an arm around his shoulders just about whenever, fingers ruffling his hair before he leaves. Before, Kyungsoo would freeze up and/or blush like a cherry tomato whenever this happens, but now he got so used to it that he just ignores the latter.  
  
(Don’t get him wrong, he still internally combusts and melts each time. He just got better at keeping a poker face).  
  
One day, however, Junmyeon surprises him with a back hug when he arrives at their library table. Kyungsoo jumps in his surprise as a pair of arms wind up around his shoulders out of nowhere. Baekhyun, who is running on an hour of sleep and has an ethics exam in three hours, looks up at him disinterestedly before going back to his book.  
  
“I’m tired,” Junmyeon says sadly, resting his chin on top of Kyungsoo’s head. “I don’t want to study anymore.”  
  
“There, there.” Kyungsoo pats the elder’s arms consolingly. A stressed Junmyeon is an overly cuddly Junmyeon, so he counts his blessings and relishes in the warmth. Junmyeon seems appeased by this and unlatches from his back (just when he was enjoying it, ugh), plopping down on the seat next to him and resting his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “Long day today?”  
  
“The longest. I don’t know if I can take another minute of pediatrics, my brain is fried.” Junmyeon mourns. “I know I need it to be a kindergarten teacher, but it’s so dragging.”  
  
“Welcome to the medical world,” Kyungsoo snickers, gesturing at his anatomy textbook. “Take it easy, hyung. Rest first.”  
  
“Can’t. Class in like, two hours.” The elder sighs and loops their arms together, seeking comfort in Kyungsoo’s fuzzy sweater. “Why did I choose this field again?”  
  
“You love kids, and teaching is your passion.” He supplies helpfully, willing down his blush as the latter links their hands together with a soft hum. He’s just tired, Kyungsoo. Chill.  
  
“Ah, right. Thanks, Kyungsoo.” Junmyeon smiles sleepily at him, poking his cheek fondly with his free hand. “I should get that printed on my desk so I get reminded every time I bang my head against it.”  
  
“Hyung, please.” Kyungsoo shakes his head at him, and Junmyeon laughs, soft enough to not disturb anyone—but apparently still loud enough for Baekhyun to irritatedly look up once more, brow furrowed.  
  
“Okay, I get that you both can’t keep your hands to yourselves, but can you _please_ tone down the flirting? It’s fucking distracting.” The theater major huffs, clearly annoyed. He pushes his glasses up his nose vehemently and glares at them. “Go cuddle somewhere else, not in front of someone cramming for an exam. I’m too stressed for this shit.”  
  
Kyungsoo splutters excuses as he quickly tugs his arm away. Junmyeon relents easily and moves away, but he pouts at Baekhyun. “You’re just annoyed Chanyeol isn’t here to cuddle the stress out of your system, Baekhyun.” He retorts, and Kyungsoo flushes red as the said man flips him off and goes back to reading.  
  
(Later, when Baekhyun is in a much better mood, he regales the tale of how “they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves like a couple” to the rest of their friends (sans Junmyeon, who is in a meeting). Kyungsoo is too embarrassed to defend himself, so he buries his face on a throw pillow instead.)  
  
  


 

 

 

 

  
Sometimes, however, it’s Kyungsoo who lets his guard down. Like this:  
  
Sehun is their little friend group’s maknae with a huge apartment and way too many fancy hot cocoa mixes in his cupboard because he’s balling like that. Chanyeol and Baekhyun make it a point to self invite their entire friend group over for some hot cocoa and Disney movies every other week—says it strengthens their friendship and all that. Sehun is all too happy to comply, perhaps craving company in his lonely flat, and so that’s why they’re all piled up in the living room on a drizzly Saturday watching Frozen: Chanyeol, Baekhyun, and Jongdae on the couch, Sehun and Kyungsoo on the loveseat, Jongin on the floor leaning on Chanyeol’s legs, and Junmyeon on the squishy electric purple bean bag near the coffee table. They probably look silly, twenty-somethings with long limbs and mismatched pajamas all tangled up together with huge mugs of hot cocoa, but it’s warm and cozy, so no one bats an eyelash.  
  
Halfway into the movie, Jongin nods off, resting his head on Chanyeol’s knee. The said man is leaning on Baekhyun, who is leaning on Jongdae, who has his legs propped up on the armrest. Sehun is curled up on Kyungsoo’s lap in his usual affectionate maknae fashion, half-asleep, and Junmyeon—  
  
Kyungsoo frowns as he sees the bean bag empty. It’s been empty for a while now, he realizes. The elder went away for a bathroom break, and never returned. _Huh_. Carefully, he nudges Sehun off of him—“I need more cocoa,” he says when the youngest makes a soft sound of protest—before padding to the kitchen to refill his mug. It’s empty, but the door to the tiny balcony is slightly ajar, so he carefully pushes it open. Junmyeon is indeed there, leaning against the railings as he clutches his mug on both hands. He’s staring in the horizon rather pensively. The rain falls incessantly as the wind howls, making Kyungsoo shiver. Still, he closes the door and makes his way to stand beside the latter.  
  
“Tired of Frozen?” Kyungsoo asks, sipping from his mug. Their shoulders touch ever so slightly, and he is grateful for the added warmth. His worn PE shirt and penguin-patterned pajamas aren’t the warmest of clothes, but they sure are comfy.  
  
“Mm, I’m just not in the mood to build a snowman. Or let it go.” Junmyeon jokes, but his tone seems hollow. “And you?”  
  
There’s something in the way Junmyeon spoke that makes Kyungsoo want to be honest for once, so he takes a deep, brave breath, pushes the reflex to lie away, and says, “I was looking for you. You’ve been gone for a while.”  
  
“Ah.” Junmyeon looks down at his mug, half-filled and most probably cold by now. “I was just...thinking.”  
  
“About?” There is a man in a bright yellow raincoat cycling down the road. He must be drenched. Kyungsoo watches him instead of looking at Junmyeon.  
  
“Life.” The elder sighs quietly. “I’m just feeling a little under the weather. A little homesick too.”  
  
It’s disconcerting to see Junmyeon, who is usually the embodiment of sunny smiles and bright laughter, to be as gloomy as the skies. Kyungsoo’s heart aches. “Do you want to talk about it?”  
  
“I’m just tired. Lately I’ve been drowning in too much work that I don’t even enjoy it anymore. Before, I used to revel in my fast-paced lifestyle. I liked being busy, it makes me feel important.” Junmyeon pauses to take a short sip of cocoa. “But now, my routine just became a nasty cycle of being tired and being preoccupied. I feel so out of touch with the rest of you guys, with the rest of the world, because I’m so busy. I barely even have time for myself, even. It’s wearing me out.”  
  
“And the homesickness?” He asks gently. “You miss your family?”  
  
“Yeah. I miss going home, because whenever I go home it means we’re on a break, and I can breathe easily for a while,” Junmyeon says. “Being at home is waking up without worrying about classes and deliverables, just helping out my mom with housework and playing with my dog and checking my dad’s students’ papers for him. It’s...silly, I know, but I just want to go home and take a breather. But I can’t.”  
  
“It’s not silly,” Kyungsoo assures him. “I miss home, too. I miss cooking with my mom, and gardening with my dad, and watching movies with my brother, and walking my dogs around town.”  
  
“You have dogs?” Junmyeon asks, looking up at him. His eyes are curious, but sad. Kyungsoo’s heart breaks a little more at the sight.  
  
“Yeah, two. Hoochoo and Mongmool.” He takes out his phone from his pocket and opens a photo of his dogs, a selca he took from when he went home last summer. “They’re fluffy and full of energy. I love them.”  
  
“I didn’t know you had dogs.” Junmyeon smiles down at the photo, zooming a little to see their big puppy smiles a little better. It’s the first time that he smiled since the movie started.  
  
“They never came up.” Kyungsoo isn’t as proud of a dog parent as Jongin and Sehun are, but he loves his puppies a lot. “I video call them every weekend so they don’t miss me too much. My mom makes sure that they’re in the frame whenever I call.”  
  
“That’s cute.” The elder chuckles, and it doesn’t sound as sad as earlier. Kyungsoo smiles. “You video call your parents every weekend?”  
  
“Yeah. I can’t go down as often to visit, so I make do with what I have. It helps that Baekhyun and Jongdae are always over at the dorm, so I don’t feel so lonely.” Kyungsoo hums, sipping his cocoa. “We’re here for you too, you know. You can always count on us, even if we’re all from different departments with different schedules.”  
  
“I know. It’s just that I feel like I have to be strong for you all, because I’m the eldest.” Junmyeon’s smile turns wry as he faces the city skyline once again. “I don’t want to be a burden.”  
  
“You’re never a burden,” Kyungsoo says. “You can always lean on us. On me.” It’s too honest, too raw, too telling of the feelings simmering in his gut, but it’s the only thing that he can offer: his affections and his undying support, the promise of loyalty even if his love might be unrequited. It seems to be enough, because Junmyeon turns to smile at him, and it’s not as bright and carefree as usual, but it’s not broken, so that’s something.  
  
“I know,” The elder replies quietly, resting his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. “You’re the best, Kyungsoo.”  
  
Kyungsoo’s heart skips a beat at that, and he couldn’t help the silly smile on his face even if he tried. “I know.” He echoes, and Junmyeon laughs. They stay like that for a while until the door squeaks open and Jongdae’s head pops out.  
  
“There you are,” He says triumphantly when the two of them turn to look at the newcomer. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you two. Come back inside, Chanyeol ordered pizza and we’re watching Mulan next. You can cuddle there instead.”  
  
“Be right there,” Junmyeon calls, and Jongdae wiggles his eyebrows at them both—mostly at Kyungsoo, to his chagrin—before moving away. “Let’s go back inside? Or do you want to stay here? The quiet is nice, but Mulan sounds okay too.”  
  
_Anywhere with you_ , Kyungsoo wants to say, but that’s enough honesty for the night. “Mulan it is,” He says, and they exit the balcony together and shuffle back to the living room just in time for the movie to start. Sehun has moved to the bean bag to be closer to the food, so Junmyeon and Kyungsoo awkwardly squish themselves together in the loveseat as they eat dinner and laugh with their friends. The warmth of Junmyeon’s arm pressed against his is comforting, and Kyungsoo feels at home.  
  
(Later in the movie, when Jongin has fallen asleep once more, Junmyeon leans on his shoulder again and yawns. “Sorry if I doze off,” He mumbles, but Kyungsoo doesn’t mind. He doesn’t at all.)  
  
  


 

 

 

 

  
And this, on what he attributes to be the stupidest thing he has ever done:  
  
Jongin has been whining about going shopping for a long time now, says he needs a new winter jacket or something like that. Despite his busy schedule, Kyungsoo takes pity on him and accompanies the latter to the mall after class. Besides, the biology major—Jongin wants to be a veterinarian—is a better shopping buddy than Chanyeol: he knows what he wants and buys that first before going around window shopping. The taller usually has an attention span of a goldfish, and would drag Kyungsoo everywhere  
  
Despite the crowd—payday sale and workers coming back from the office—they finish their errands after a mere hour (Jongin got a coat and a hoodie, and Kyungsoo bought fabric softener) and are now walking around the mall listlessly, arms linked as they share a large serving of mozzarella sticks. They both have lab homework to do, because when did they ever not, but they deserve an evening off. (Okay, not really, but whatever.)  
  
Somehow, they end up in a trendy store that blasts hiphop at an alarmingly loud volume and sells cool socks and caps and skateboards. Jongin goes to check their longboard collection, having expressed interest in the activity before, leaving Kyungsoo beside a display of caps. There are bucket hats and caps with patches and wide-brimmed ones, but he naturally gravitates to the plain ones. The material is sturdy, but it’s soft when worn and fits just right. He can pull it down low enough to cover his eyes (just the way he likes it) and it still stays put. What. A. Steal. Satisfied, he takes a navy blue one off the shelf and goes to pay for it—treat yo’self and all that—but the plain black one catches his eye. Not because of his natural affinity for dark colors, or because it was eye catching in the first place, but because he remembers that Junmyeon has pilfered one of his black Nike caps because “I’ve always wanted a black cap, but I never got around buying one.” And now there’s one, right in front of him, and Kyungsoo has an inexplicable urge to buy it for the elder. But why would he? Can he give random gifts to Junmyeon just because he feels like it? Sure, he cooks for the others sometimes, or randomly buys them food, but does this count? Is this urge out of friendship, or because of his icky feelings? The latter, most likely. With a resolute shake of his head, Kyungsoo steels forward and goes to the counter to pay.  
  
“Oh, sir, our plain caps are on sale right now. If you buy one, you can get the next one for half the price.” The cashier smiles at him, and so that’s why Kyungsoo goes home with a navy blue cap on his head and a black one inside a paper bag. _Damn it_.  
  
He honestly plans on just keeping it for himself, but he supposes the universe has different plans for him, because when Junmyeon comes over for dinner the following day—Kyungsoo cooks on the weekends, but Chanyeol went home because his dog was sick—he spots the paper bag on top of the coffee table and asks, “Hey, what’s that?”  
  
Kyungsoo looks up from the beef he was stir frying to see Junmyeon peering inside the paper bag. Oh, shit. “Uh—“  
  
“Hey, what a nice black cap! I’ve always wanted one. Where’d you buy this?” Junmyeon takes out the cap and examines it carefully.  
  
“At the mall, at this store that Jongin went to.” He tries very hard to keep his tone even. “It was, uh, on sale.”  
  
“Oh, cool! Are you going back there any time soon? Could you buy me one?” Junmyeon asks, trying it on. He looks absolutely pleased at the hat, all bright smiles and sparkling eyes, and—  
  
“Actually I bought that for you,” Kyungsoo blurts out.  
  
Foot, meet mouth.  
  
“Oh?” Junmyeon stops admiring the feel of the cap and blinks at him. “Really?”  
  
“Yeah. Um, it was on sale, and uh, I remembered you said you wanted one.” Kyungsoo’s face must be as red as the bell peppers he throws into the wok. “Uh, advanced Merry Christmas?” Good save, if it wasn’t the middle of fucking _November_. Damn it, Kyungsoo, why you gotta be so dumb.  
  
Junmyeon is quiet for a long time, long enough for Kyungsoo to start panicking, but he suddenly says, “I didn’t know you remembered I said that. I love it. Thank you.” The elder smiles at him, warm and genuine, and his eyes crinkle a little. They do that when he’s particularly happy.  
  
Well, there goes Kyungsoo’s blush again. “No biggie.” He shrugs, even if it’s definitely a biggie, and goes back to cooking. He can blame his red face on the steam from his stir fry.  
  
  


 

 

 

 

  
And then, there are these moments: moments that they blur the line between friendly banter and flirting, when even Kyungsoo doesn’t know if they’re half meant or not. But hey, he counts his blessings.  
  
Like this: Kyungsoo is cramming for a paper for one of the core subjects that he’s taking this semester—art appreciation, out of all things—and he really should be done by now, if not for his Kakaotalk buzzing every other minute. Junmyeon has always been a fast replier.  
  
**myeontokki** : u’re still working??? ‘^’  
**dks112** : yeah, essay for art appreciation class. i got assigned to da vinci  
**myeontokki** : i love the arts but... that’s boring  
**dks112** : tell me about it. i have to now argue why the mona lisa is overrated  
**myeontokki** : hm to be fair it wasn’t that great of a painting  
**myeontokki** : like it’s cool and famous but i’ve seen better ones lol  
**dks112** : oh u saw it in person already?  
**myeontokki** : yeah during my europe trip ^^  
**dks112** : i didn’t know you went to paris! that’s cool  
**myeontokki** : ahahah we were super tourist-y in paris. we went to the eiffel tower and that museum  
**myeontokki** : ah shit i forgot the name  
**dks112** : the louvre?  
**myeontokki** : yeah love  
**myeontokki** : I MEAN LOUVRE  
**myeontokki** : aksjskhd sorry autocorrect  
  
_Love_. Kyungsoo can’t decide if he wants to laugh or cry. The only time Junmyeon calls him a term of endearment, and it’s an awfully cheesy one. And it’s a _typo_. What a sad life.  
  
**dks112** : love huh  
**myeontokki** : ㅠㅠ  
**dks112** : don’t you have better terms of endearment to use lol  
**myeontokki** : hahaha  
**myeontokki** : how does babe sound?  
**dks112** : ugh ew  
**myeontokki** : no? ok, what about baby? honey? sweetheart? sweetie pie?  
**dks112** : i will end you  
**myeontokki** : sugarplum? sweet cheeks? snoogums? pumpkin?  
**myeontokki** : i like pumpkin it’s in season  
**dks112** : hyung, halloween’s over  
**myeontokki** : and so? love has no season ^^  
**dks112** : you’re awful  
**myeontokki** : why thank u, pumpkin~  
**dks112** : akjskshdkshs STOP  
**myeontokki** : as u wish, pumpkin~  
**myeontokki** : best of luck on your essay! fighting!!! ^^  
  
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes fondly and goes back to his essay, pointedly ignoring his buzzing phone and equally racing heart. His fingers fly across the keyboard as he finishes up his paper and does _not_ think about their conversation, or how Junmyeon would sound calling him that on a regular basis.  
  
(Okay, he might’ve thought about it for a bit. But just a bit! Promise!)  
  
He does momentarily forget about it the following day when he gets caught up in the hurricane that is pre-med life, and only remembers when Junmyeon himself reminds him. Painfully. And embarrassingly. And in front of all their friends, because Junmyeon has the latest dismissal among them all and usually arrives the last in the cafeteria.  
  
“Hey, pumpkin,” The elder says as he sits next to Kyungsoo, a takeout container in one hand and a half-finished Americano in the other. “Hey, guys.”  
  
Kyungsoo merely hums in acknowledgement, too preoccupied with trying to review and eating his philly cheesesteak at the same time. The others, however, gape at them both. Jongdae chokes on a mouthful of spaghetti, and Chanyeol even drops his fork.  
  
“I’m sorry, did you say pumpkin?” Baekhyun, ever so brave, asks. “Did you just call Kyungsoo _pumpkin_?”  
  
“Oh, yeah. Inside joke. Sorry.” Junmyeon shrugs around a mouthful of salad. Like this, he really does look like a bunny. “We were talking yesterday, and I had a typo. I accidentally called him love and he didn’t like it, so now I’m calling him pumpkin.”  
  
“Uh huh. And you’re okay with this, Kyungsoo?” Baekhyun turns to him, eyes wide. Beside him, Chanyeol is gaping openly, while Jongdae’s hand (and glass of water) is frozen mid-air. Only Jongin and Sehun can call him Soo hyung without suffering physical pain, because Kyungsoo loves his dongsaengs more than he lets on; Junmyeon, sometimes, but it's so rare that they never bother with nicknames. Chanyeol claims that he still has a bruise from when he called Kyungsoo 'Kyungie' as a joke and got a punch on the arm as a response _two years ago_. Point is, Kyungsoo does not do nicknames. Except to his beloved dongsaengs. Junmyeon is older than him by a _year_.  
  
“Yeah, I suppose,” Kyungsoo replies, not looking up from his reviewer. “He’ll stop eventually.”  
  
“In your dreams, pumpkin,” Junmyeon says sweetly, earning him a jab on the side. “Hey!”  
  
Chanyeol just continues to stare at them and their antics, Jongdae resumes eating his meatballs while frowning at them, and Baekhyun just blinks bemusedly. “Uh, are you two dating or something?”  
  
“What? No!” Kyungsoo protests, and Junmyeon shakes his head. “What the hell, Baekhyun.”  
  
“Okay...That sounds fake, but okay,” The theater major trails off, going back to his lunch but still shooting confused glances at them. Kyungsoo pays them no mind as he struggles with organic chemistry. Benzene rings before cute, confusing boys and confused friends, any day.  
  
(When lunch is over and they all go on their separate ways, Junmyeon says to him, “Good luck on your test, pumpkin!” It’s probably a bad thing that Kyungsoo is getting used to the nickname.)  
  
  


 

 

 

 

  
Kyungsoo thinks about confessing sometimes.  
  
He’s a brave man, sometimes a little reckless, but oftentimes unfazed by life and its curveballs. He’s resilient and generally able to face things head on. He knows he’s a little jumpy when it comes to his fragile, icky, lovesick puppy feelings, but usually when he has a goal, he works hard to achieve it.  
  
He thinks about confessing sometimes. Partly because he wants to free himself from his aforementioned icky feelings, and move on with life. Partly because he wants to try his luck, even if the chances are not in his favor. Partly because his icky feelings have poisoned his mind and sometimes he thinks he has a shot at Junmyeon. Partly because he’s in love—ew—and people in love do stupid things.  
  
He thinks about confessing whenever they’re alone together. When Junmyeon takes him out for coffee runs on Wednesdays because they’re the only ones with an afternoon break. When Junmyeon crashes into their dorm room and demands a Star Wars marathon. When Junmyeon is bugging him on Kakaotalk with stickers and emoticons and the occasional selfie. When Junmyeon is unpacking takeout for dinner because he’s feeling lonely and Kyungsoo is the only one who responded to his message.  
  
He thinks about confessing now, in their usual corner in the library, on a chilly Friday afternoon. It’s just him and Junmyeon today, because Chanyeol is accompanying Baekhyun to the dentist, Jongin has dance practice, and Jongdae and Sehun are still in class. Still, they occupy the entire table, with Kyungsoo’s lab sheets and textbooks, and Junmyeon’s laptop and workbooks, and a whole lot of coloring materials and highlighters. Junmyeon is crafting a lesson plan for his kids, his brow furrowed and his lips unconsciously pouting as he leafs through one of his penmanship workbooks. Kyungsoo should be working on his lab reports, but here he is, marveling at Junmyeon and how he is so passionate about what he’s doing, and without much thought he says, “Hey, Junmyeon hyung?”  
  
Junmyeon looks up from the workbook, brown eyes blinking behind his huge horn-rimmed reading glasses. He doesn’t bust them out often, his eyesight not as crappy as Kyungsoo’s, but today he has a migraine and he’s fending it off. He looks soft, with his messy hair and big glasses and baby pink sweater, and Kyungsoo is endeared. “Yes, Kyungsoo?” He asks, smiling.  
  
This is his cue to confess, his cue to say, “I like you,” or ask him out on a date. Maybe a coffee run, even if it’s not a Wednesday, or dinner after they work, or a movie so they can procrastinate more. This is his cue to lay down his cards, to wear his heart on his sleeve, and let his icky feelings out in the open. But for some reason, like the many times he has thought about it in the past, he hesitates. Partly because he is doubtful that things will go well, partly because he is selfish enough to not want to fuck up their friendship, partly because he’s just downright scared of how Junmyeon will react, and partly because he doesn’t mind this dynamic of theirs: Junmyeon, being his tactile and caring and thoughtful and downright perfect self, and Kyungsoo, secretly harboring a crush on him under all the snark and violent tendencies and exasperated fondness. And maybe he’s losing out on a chance, maybe he’s just being a coward, maybe he’s not thinking this through, or for another reason entirely, but he simply smiles back and shakes his head. “Never mind,” Kyungsoo says.  
  
Maybe someday.

 

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Crushes suck. 1/10 not recommended. Ugh I should be writing neighbors!au AND YET. Smh FEELINGS!!!! ARE!!!! ANNOYING!!!!!!!!! BYE  
> 2\. Sorry to my little egg Kyungsoo for being the embodiment of my feelings. I love u. I miss your fringe.  
> 3.Junmyeon’s Instagram photos that were mentioned here are from his website updates! I’m still in love with his Switzerland photos tbh  
> 4\. Title is from Unfair by EXO aka Kyungsoo’s life’s soundtrack in this fic  
> 5\. No promises on a sequel bc my crush is depriving me of feels but ya let’s see  
> 6\. Some parts are based off real life events so I guess s/o to my crush for giving me a plot bunny and more feels than I could handle (also imy)(ew)  
> 7\. Vote for exo on MAMA!!!!


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